Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
