I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
