the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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