I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
