i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize