Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
