They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??