either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
