a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
