Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Welp...herpes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
