yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
