she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
