I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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