the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize