when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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