Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
