Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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