Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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