I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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