which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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