Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
worst night to have a conscience
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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