this boner is exhausting
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
