There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
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Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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