I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
