He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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