So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
