I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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