dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
