I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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