We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
