I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
