Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i think im in europe. pls send help
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
