I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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