We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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