I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
