took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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