he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
