why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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