3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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