apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
