do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
