yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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