if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
