I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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