he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
