Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He better not be in your backpack
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
