It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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