At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
