Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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