the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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