It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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