Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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