Christians are straight up FREAKS
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
