Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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