I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
