Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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